Trauma Informed Article of the Week, April 28

What Empathy Is and Why It’s Important

By Amanda Morin

Imagine this scenario:
You’re eating lunch in the teacher’s lounge, and the cafeteria monitor comes to find you. One of your students, Shaun, is pushing other students to get to the front of the line to go outside for recess. This is the third day in a row the monitor has interrupted your lunch for the same reason.

Frustrated, you rush down the hall. You tell Shaun that if he can’t wait his turn calmly, he’ll have to be the last one in line from now on. Your reaction is understandable—what you see is a student who is continuing to shove other kids out of his way even after he’s been told not to.

Student Behavior and Empathy

What you see your students do and hear them say influences your perception of them. With a classroom full of students, it’s natural to react to students based on those outward behaviors—but what's happening below the surface?.

It’s human nature to focus on how a student’s negative behavior takes time away from teaching and affects your classroom. When you are charged with managing behavior in addition to teaching content, it’s easy to overlook what’s happening with the student and focus on what’s happening to you as the teacher.

Showing empathy can help you change that dynamic, so you not only acknowledge and consider what you see and feel, but also what you don’t see. Those unseen challenges could include learning and attention issues. But other struggles, such as trauma or hunger, may also be involved.

What Empathy Is

Empathy is a way of connecting with other people that shows you understand that they’re experiencing something meaningful—even though you may not understand exactly how it feels for them. In other words, empathy is about finding a way to connect and to be able to say, “I want to understand how this feels to you and let you know that you’re not alone.”

Empathy is a powerful tool that can help you better understand what’s driving your students’ behavior and find strategies to help. It can also help you connect and work through difficult moments together.

What Empathy Isn’t

Keep in mind that empathy isn’t the same as sympathy. When you are sympathetic, you may feel sorry for students. Even though you may care deeply for them, sympathy may lead you to look down on students instead of trying to understand or connect with them.

Being empathetic does not mean lowering your expectations. You can validate and have empathy for students, while at the same time holding them to high standards. In moments when you connect with students empathetically, you can reinforce your belief in their ability to succeed.

The Four Parts of Empathy

Researchers have identified four main attributes of what it means to be empathetic. Integrating these practices into your teaching can show students that you see what they’re going through as more than just a problem to fix.

1. Perspective taking. When you take a different perspective, you put aside your own feelings and reactions to see the situation through your student’s eyes. You may start by asking yourself: Do I believe the student is doing the very best he can?

2. Putting aside judgment. It’s easy to jump to and express conclusions about the situation based on what you see. But it’s important to step back and consider: What more do I need to learn and understand about the situation?

3. Trying to understand the student’s feelings. If you can, tap into your own experiences to find a way to understand what the student is feeling or to remember a time when you felt something similar. Be careful not to overdo it, however. Each person’s experiences are his own, so saying “I know how you feel” can come across as disingenuous. If you’re struggling, ask yourself: What more do I need to learn and understand about how other people are reacting to or perceiving the situation?

4. Communicate that you understand. Talk to your student without using “fix it” phrases like “what you need to do is….” Instead, try reflective phrases like, “It sounds like you…” or “I hear that you….” As teachers, our instinct is often to contain the situation and find a quick fix. That can help in the short term. But it won’t build long-term trust with the student.

Responding to Students With Empathy

It’s one thing to understand the importance and components of empathy. It’s another thing to respond with empathy, especially in stressful moments.

Think back to the lunchroom situation with Shaun. Imagine Shaun’s reaction to your frustration. Instead of being rude or defiant, as you expected, he bursts into hiccupping tears. He wasn’t trying to be rude or pushy. Shaun’s sensory processing issues make being in the middle of the loud cafeteria challenging. He feels crowded and a little panicky. He knows he’ll feel better when he can get outside to escape the noise.

When he heard what you said, in the way you said it, he felt something you probably didn’t intend to convey: You don’t understand him.

When you speak without empathy, you might say things like:

“If you’re going to keep pushing others, you’ll be last in line from now on!”
This reaction doesn’t acknowledge the feelings or challenges that may be driving the behavior. And when a student hears that, he’s not likely to be motivated to change.

Instead, imagine how Shaun might react if you were to say this:

“I know we’ve talked about pushing other kids out of the way. I also know you know it’s not the best way to handle what’s bothering you. Is there more that I need to understand so I can help you?

Just that small change in approach can make a big difference in what a student hears and feels, and how willing he is to keep working on things that are difficult for him. That, in turn, is going to impact Shaun’s ability to be available to learn in your classroom. A student who knows his teacher understands him and his challenges is a more available learner.

Source: understood.org